Managing a long distance relationship while attending college can be very tricky, especially if your significant other is in the military. As someone who has done school together and a part, each scenario presents its own challenges. Currently I am a student at the University of Minnesota studying Communications and Family Social Science. I attended my first four semesters on campus until I moved to Washington state to be with my sailor.
Here are my best tips:
Make Time For Your Social Life, Too
Your sailor works long hours so of course you want to spend every waking moment on Facetime… but don’t let it ruin your friendships at college. My suggestion: pick at least one day a week that is your “virtual date night.” Depending on his work schedule, my sailor and I usually picked either Friday or Saturday night and then I saved the other day to go hangout with friends. This allowed a healthy balance between my relationship and friendships. Once we learned how to balance we were both happier and less reliant on each other.
When we did Facetime, we enjoyed simple little moments like he’s playing video games or I’m studying for an exam. It’s the little moments like these that allowed us to connect and reground ourselves in the most basic things. Spending time together like this allowed both of us to decompress with things we want (or needed because who wants to do homework) while still spending time together.
Plan Ahead For Travel
Depending on your sailor’s boat, his or her schedule may be unpredictable. As much as you’re able, try to plan ahead for travel. Look ahead at your academic calendar for spring, fall or winter breaks. Hopefully your schedules can align and you can carve out time to see each other. Check those flights constantly!
Make Contact With Your Ombudsman
Navigating school while being a military spouse or significant other can be tough as not everyone in the school setting has empathy for your situation. Be patient and kind to yourself when navigating balancing homework, school life, and your relationship. Since you are remote, it may be difficult to get involved with your Family Readiness Group (FRG). Some groups allow girlfriends and boyfriends, while others are strictly for married spouses. Regardless, the Ombudsman is a great contact for you. He or she is privy to boat information and can add you to their phone tree calls. It is always good to save the ombudsman’s contact information just in case questions arise or emergencies occur.
Talk to Your Professors About Your Situation
In my experience, professors are very understanding. Before my husband was getting deployed, I asked my professors if I could receive assignments in advance so I could take leave and spend quality time with him. On the other end, my professors also granted me an extension for the week of Homecoming. As best as you’re able (and keeping OPSEC in mind), communicate with your professors and see how flexible they’re willing to be. For example, we got word that my sailor was leaving for deployment a month earlier than expected on a random Tuesday. I immediately checked flights and saw that leaving on Thursday round trip from Minnesota to Hawaii was $300. So within 48 hours I flew to Hawaii and my professors were all very understanding of why I would be missing two days of class. This impromptu trip was the best decision as it was what we needed before spending the next nine months apart.
Moral of the story: go visit them, take the risk. Most of your professors will not punish you for missing a day or two of school to go see your sailor.
For more tips on deployments, click here.