Have you ever met a military spouse who said their husband or wife was geo-baching and wondered what they meant? As military spouses we already spend so much time apart from our sailors it may seem unthinkable to voluntarily decide to live separately.
What is Geo-Baching?
“Geobaching” is someone who is a “geographic bachelor.” They are still married but are living geographically separate from their spouse and family. While this may seem unusual to civilians, it’s somewhat common in the military community, for a variety of reasons we’ll explain below. Note: these orders are different from unaccompanied orders because with unaccompanied orders the family does not have a choice to accompany the service member.
Why Geo-Bach?
The decision to “geo-bach” is often very difficult for any family to make. In the submarine community you may consider for these reasons:
- Sailor is joining a high tempo boat and the family may have more support where they currently reside
- The boat will be undergoing a change of homeport
- Sailor is near retirement and the family would like to remain in order to plan for life after the military
- To allow for children to remain and graduate from their current school
- The next duty station is only for 1-2 years
- Ongoing medical support needed for a family member
- A military spouse does not want to relocate due to their career or currently enrolled in a educational program
What do you need to consider?
- Exemptions. In rare cases, such as when a dependent requires healthcare not available at the new installation, an exemption to allow for geo-baching status will be added to the service member’s orders. Exemptions require paperwork and the following processes. When checking into the command at the new base an officer or enlisted (ranked E-6 and above) can submit a Geographical Bachelor Quarters Application through their chain of command’s admin office. Quarters are not guaranteed at all bases, and the military has the right to withdraw BAH if the service member stays in bachelor quarters. Ranks E-1 through E-5 will be assigned to empty barracks rooms in the same area as single service members.
- Finances. You will need to budget for additional expenses if your sailor plans to travel home often (ie. plane tickets, gas ) and traditional household expenses (ie. food, cleaning supplies, rent, utilities).
- Communication. Communication will become even more vital in maintaining a healthy long distance relationship. Set your expectations and discuss your needs as a couple. Set a routine in motion, such as a phone call schedule video chats, increased texting, etc. Make sure to plan ahead for important events like birthdays, holidays or anniversaries.
Geo-Baching Q&A: Monica Haughney
To learn more about a real geo-baching experience, we spoke to Monica, a military spouse and mom of three. Her husband is currently geo-baching in Groton, CT while she is in Maine. They have been married for 14 years.
Q: What made you decide to geo-bach?
We decided to geo-bach because my husband is currently at his last duty station before he retires. We really love the community where we live now and we are really lucky to own not only a home but a good amount of land here in Maine. The schools where we live are also really great. If we honestly weren’t happy with where we were at, the community, schools, neighbors, etc. we would have just moved on to the next place.
Q: What struggles do you have with it?
Having three children and having to be a “single parent” during the week has its struggles. There is a lot of mental load that can be really exhausting. Unlike a deployment, though, we are lucky in that my husband is only 2-3 hours away during the week, so if there was an emergency he can usually easily come home.
Q: What do you enjoy about it?
I wouldn’t say I enjoy anything about it haha but after years of deployments and the in and out life of subs, I can definitely make do.
Q: How do you balance time for yourself, with your sailor, and family time?
The main way I try to take care of myself is through exercise. I know if I exercise and try to eat healthy I’ll have a better mental and physical clarity to be able to take care of everyone and have less situations where I’m stressed and anxious. When my daughter goes to preschool that is my non-negotiable time to get in some exercise. As a family we really spend most of our time together. We don’t do a lot of solo activities because we really only have the weekends to all be in one place. My husband and I do a lot of projects together for our home and land. So even if we don’t go out on many traditional dates we get a lot of satisfaction from completing projects together.
Q: Do you have any family or friend support?
My mom moved to Maine during the pandemic, so we are really lucky to have that support. We hadn’t had that in so long, we really appreciate and value having someone nearby we trust.
Q: Is BAH based on where you live or your sailor?
BAH is based off where your sailor lives, I know there are certain situations where that may be different however so it really just depends on the situation and where they are stationed and how long they will be there.
Q: How supportive is your sailor’s command?
My husband’s command is very flexible with us for our situation. We really haven’t had any issues with him needing to be home and the command not approving that. I think if we were on a boat however that would be much different. He does travel occasionally but it’s all easy days compared to boat life.
Q: How do you budget for two separate households?
Budgeting is difficult especially with the way the economy is right now. The first couple years into geo-baching my husband was able to stay with a friend at their home and just this last year we purchased an apartment. So that definitely isn’t ideal but that’s what we needed to make this last year work. We really don’t eat out or do a lot of activities that get expensive when there are 5 of you, which is practically everything. Luckily we are a very outdoorsy family and enjoy hiking, fishing, swimming, going to the beach, etc. and those are all free!
Q: Favorite duty station pre-kids and with kids?
Hawaii before kids, Hawaii or Maine with kids.
Q: Favorite boat memory?
Not a funny memory but a fun one! One year Jon’s boat was the on pier that they light the fireworks off of for the 4th of July and he had duty. So one of our friends and myself were able to go visit and watch the fireworks from right there on the pier.
Q: Advice you would give a new spouse?
Don’t sweat the small stuff, do your best to be flexible. Find friends that will support you, avoid any and all drama. Don’t be afraid to get out and make friends, join local wives/moms groups, or go to some fun classes you’re interested in. Say hello to your neighbors. Stand up for yourself and take time to learn the ins and outs, you’ll feel more confident when your spouse is away. Remember that we all have periods of loneliness and overwhelm, that’s not your burden alone to carry. The sub community is strong, and so are you.
For more information on the “geo-bach” process please have your spouse speak to their command, detailer, and yeoman. This article is to serve as an informational resource but does not reflect all rules, regulations and command specific needs.
Our contributor Cat is currently stationed at Pearl Harbor for the third time. She loves to find great places to each, stand up paddle board and enjoy time with her family. Follow her @aloha.mama.cat on IG for more family fun and foodie finds.